I started this blog so I can document my progress through this disease. At the moment, I’m giving myself some quiet mental space. I’m waiting on my “type” of dis-ease. I have bloodwork in a lab somewhere in the United States. After that comes through, I can finally move to the next stage. Will treatment help the stutters, tremors, and occasional memory loss? I don’t know, to be honest, but I am ready to get this show on the road. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Someone said to me recently that my writing appeared to be my crying out for help. I was taken aback by this because that was the complete opposite of what I am trying to do. Oddly, I didn’t take offense, where normally I would. That’s progress, right?
We live in a world where the perception is if you talk about the things going on with you and the emotions that it entails, something must be wrong with you. It is not my job to prove myself to you. That’s something we, as a society, have to learn. Most of us are walking around with some form of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). That’s what this journey has taught me thus far. We all have different life experiences, we all have trauma, some of us just have a little more than others. How do we, as a society, deal with it?
Talking about it is a start. There is no reason that someone speaking their truth should create an urge or a need to bully another person. Just because it hasn’t happened to you, doesn’t mean that it hasn’t happened to them. Cognitive dissonance is a very real thing these days, it’s so prevalent that I am concerned for a lot of people. It’s like an entire sector of humanity has Stockholm Syndrome and believe me, I don’t say that lightly. It saddens me, but I digress.
It’s my opinion that if you feel a negative emotion over someone’s plight, that serves as a reminder to check in with yourself to figure out why. You see, from my point of view, it’s an irrational reaction. That in and of itself is a cry for help. Perhaps it means there is something you have to work on in your mental health? Maybe it is hitting a bit close to home and it’s something you haven’t dealt with? Whatever it is, do your Self a favor and explore it. Even if it’s painful. It’s not our job to cause others further pain.
Recently, I read something that really rang true for me. It went something like this: You know you have healed from something when you can speak about it without tears and/or emotion. That makes complete sense to me. It means that I have finally dealt with all of the emotions from something that wounded me. Like a callous. A callous serves as a reminder of a painful injury, but it heals in the best way that it can, allowing you to learn a lesson in the process, right? Each experience in life, for good or ill, shapes and molds us into who we are. How will you adapt and overcome? Will you sit with others as they go through the process or will you serve as a further hindrance in their healing?
Keep speaking your truth. Speak of it with tears in your eyes until those tears stop, and continue to speak it so that others may learn. Sometimes, growth can be painful. Be mindful not to pack your bags and stay there.